Limits to voluntary slavery

This post is about the limits I have placed upon myself with regard to homework slavery. The first limit was not to accept new clients. I could call them Mistresses, for if I am a slave, then I am a slave to a Mistress. But, while I have heard of one person, a master or a mistress, having many slaves, I have not heard of a slave having many masters or mistresses. Which raises the question: who is really the slave, and who the master (or mistress)?

Is it not we, the homework slaves, who are the enjoyers of our interactions with young girls, whom otherwise we would not have spoken with? Who is exploiting whom? Are they exploiting our lust, or are we exploiting their laziness? Maybe both.

Anyway, I have made a compromise with myself: enjoy the interactions that you have already contracted, until they die out in the natural way, but do not seek to replace those that have died.

The assumption is that, even with the best attention, and most assiduous service given, none of these relationships can last very long, because they depend on the ability and willingness of both parties to sustain an already fragile illusion.

There are two cases in which the illusion has already collapsed, or is in the process of collapsing. For me, the illusion starts to fray when I notice that the Mistress is addressing me in normal language which is focused just on the task at hand, and, I am compelled to respond to them in the same way. The language becomes practical, and is stripped of the superficial layer of domination and submission which made the interaction sexually arousing. That superficial layer, as I have already said, consists mainly of me asserting my adoration, worship, obedience and submission to my Mistress, and the mistress accepting such assertions as fitting, or sometimes, using some insulting and degrading language to emphasise their superiority of position.

When this layer is absent, and we are only discussing the work, then one begins to question why one is spending one’s valuable time in this way.

The second limitation has been to confine my acts of submission only to doing their homework, and not to pay them money, or give them gifts.

As I have said, I made an attempt to give one domme a gift card, which they did not solicit other than by blocking me for leaving some work unfinished, but the attempt was thwarted by the regulatory caution of Amazon, and I did not persist in my efforts, seeing something providential in the case. Otherwise, three mistresses requested me for money or gifts, and I declined.

I do not know whether I will stick to these limitations. In one particular case, I am always thinking of approaching the person, and sending the gift. I do not know why I desire it so much, nor do I know why I cannot bring myself to do it. I suspect that I really want a relationship with them. Giving the gift will ensure some interaction, but that interaction will be steel-framed within the pecuniary transaction, and the sexual desire which motivates it. She can only despise such a person, which, in fetishistic terms, is what we want, but in emotional terms, it only alienates us more from what we really want.

There has been one instance in which I strongly felt I should end it all in one fell swoop. I had just finished a tedious exercise, and was nagged, rather than commanded, to improve upon it, which I did, adding the note that any further changes were best made by the Mistress. The illusion and the dynamic was gone. I was doing the work, but not feeling that it was an exchange of power relations. Maybe in this instance, there really was a power relation, not just the illusion of one, and that is why I became disgusted. I felt obliged to do the work to their satisfaction, and annoyed with their seemingly trivial objections.

Another thing which puts me off is to see the servile and eager language of the other homework slaves, as they offer their services to these demanding young women. It is utterly hateful to me to be one of that crew, approaching women and girls in all of the different postures of doing so, pleading, flattering, simpering, and sometimes smugly.

There can be no approach which commends itself to me. It is far better just to turn my mind to other things, and let these people do as they wish.

But, for the moment, I still wait for orders to come in, I still think about getting new clients, and I still think about offering one of them the gift she asked for.

So let’s see what happens.